Saturday, April 30, 2016

Crap on a Hot Tin Roof

Out of sight, out of mind.

That is totally my mindset for so many things in life.  Unless that note that came home from school saying that Friday is Pyjama Day at school is stapled to my forehead, my kids will be heading to school Friday in normal clothes.  And oh yes... what about that birth certificate that I put away in a "really special place" so that nothing would happen to it?  Well, let's just say I've had to order a new birth certificate from the government not once, but TWICE.

And after the devastating "Gingy" incident, I suppose it should come as no surprise to anyone that the "out of sight, out of mind" rule especially applies to the crap I set on the roof of my car while I open the door and get in.

I have been a chronic offender.  I can't tell you how many cups of coffee have met an untimely demise because I continued to ignore my disturbing track record when it comes to successfully completing that critical last step in getting roof items into my car.

And there is truly no greater jolt to the system than when you come to a stop sign and the completely unexpected happens.  There you are, driving along in disbelief that you managed to successfully get the kids back in the car after a stop at Tim Hortons without one of them punching the other after the five year old needed to go to the bathroom a mere 5 minutes after you got them into the car.  Things are looking good... and you may even actually get to your parents' house when you said you would! You're driving along, listening to a great song, slowly becoming more and more self-congratulatory about how masterfully you orchestrated this last part of your day, and then you brake for that stop sign and BAM!

Actual Kirsten crap-on-roof incident.
Your windshield is suddenly coated in liquid, and for a brief moment in time you are completely and utterly bewildered.  It's kind of like when you wake up and can't figure out where you are... you can't, for the life of you, figure out where all this liquid came from, and then suddenly you remember the last time you saw that stupid cup of coffee you bought to assuage your guilt over using the bathroom at Tim Hortons... sitting on the roof of your damn minivan!

But it's not just cups of coffee, or tea even. I'm oddly proud of the variety of items I've left on the roof of my car. I mean, of course, we all have to start small.  At first I really did specialize in drinks. Hot drinks, Soft drinks.  A carton of chocolate milk. Once I got almost to the city limits on my way out of town with a 6-pak of bottled water on my roof, but then Kaycie said she was thirsty and saved the day.  :-)

But, like anything else, the more you do something, the more advanced you become... whether you like it or not.

One day I was driving along with the kids after a trip to Home Hardware.  Knolan kept insisting he heard something, but it wasn't  until he became quite insistent that I actually turned down the radio and heard it too.  Every once in a while we'd hear a sliding noise and sometimes we'd hear a slide and then a "thump".  I was completely mystified, but kept driving along.  Soon I noticed that the sound corresponded to when the car started and stopped and when I turned corners.  Not quite sure of what I might be looking for, I pulled the van to the side of the road and got out to see if I could figure out the source of the noise. Well, it didn't take long.

The culprit.
I guess I should have asked for a bag at the check out, because apparently holding on to this citronella candle AND opening my door was just too complicated of a task for me!

And there was also that frightening close call when for a brief moment I considered putting the cat carrier on the roof of the car while I got my kids in the car.  Good thing I thought better of it!

But I think my favourite and most memorable crap-on-roof incident was that sunny, lovely day in 2012 when I was headed a family event.  I had just stopped into Sobey's for some snacks was supposed to bring.  I was in such a good mood as I pulled out of my parking spot - I was really looking forward to seeing everyone!  And it seemed everyone else at Sobey's that day was in a great mood too.  As I drove through the lot, headed for the exit, people were waving at me.  One guy even gave me a friendly little honk.  Completely oblivious, I happily waved back, smiling like an idiot and in awe of my community's collective good mood.

In hindsight, it is kind of astonishing how far I got with that fruit tray on the roof of my van.  It was a good 15 minutes into my drive when there was a weird noise and then suddenly there was what can be best described as a fruit salad waterfall happening down my windshield. Even though I could see just fine, my immediate knee-jerk impulse was to throw on my wipers, and pull over to the shoulder. I suddenly burst out laughing as the wipers started catapulting chunks of melon and pineapple onto the roadway, and the realization of what I had done began to sink in.

The good part of all this is that after I stopped laughing, the fruit tray incident actually scared me enough to prompt a "no crap on roof" rule in my life.  Every time I am tempted now to put something on the roof of my car, I do my very best to ignore that temptation and figure out some other way to make it work.

And you know what?  It turns out that actually getting to drink my coffee enroute to places is pretty darn awesome!  :-)