Sunday, May 8, 2016

Local Mom Needs All Her Mom Skills to Get Through Mother's Day Breakfast In Bed

Happy Mother's Day!

I like Mother's Day.  Since becoming a mom myself, it has become overwhelmingly clear to me that motherhood is not for the faint of heart, and celebrating the moms in our life is one cause I can totally get behind!

It is, of course, the best thing I have done with my life.  My kids are the source of so much joy, so many laughs, and so many moments that make my heart swell.

They are also responsible for many, many moments that I couldn't have made up if I tried.

Being a mom DOES something to you.  It makes you do things you never could have imagined.  I've caught vomit with my bare hands.  I've dealt with kids having to go to the bathroom in the most impossible scenarios.  I've made a separate place setting for an invisible friend AND talked to her for a whole meal.  And I've done things I will probably never admit to, but I've done them out of love because those little munchkins wormed their way deep into my heart and sometimes love means doing weird stuff.

What I find particularly interesting about Mother's Day is the number of people I hear from each year who have spent their Mother's Day having to draw on their best mom-skills,  or who were exhausted because they were up most of the night doing mom-stuff.

Just earlier today, in fact, I was chatting with my best friend, and she was having a tired and rough start to her Mother's Day because she'd been up dealing with her son's overnight barf-fest. 

And only a moment ago my sister-in-law reminded me that I spent Mother's Day 2015 in the ER because Knolan had taken a header off the bed, cracked his head on the wall and couldn't remember his name!

I am not bitter, but it sure does go to show that motherhood is a ruthless task master with a weird sense of humour.  This year was certainly no exception.

I woke up this morning to the smell of coffee being made.  It was such an awesome way to wake up.  But it was also kind of an alarming way to wake up because it meant that Kaycie had used the Tassimo by herself!  It's just me and the kids, so the days of waking up to coffee are behind me.  I blinked a bit and tried my best to wake up and assess whether I should go running downstairs to make sure the house was still standing.  But I listened, and I could only hear my kids happily chatting and the sounds of someone rummaging through the cutlery drawer. So, I decided not to ruin what could only be their Mother's Day surprise for me, and I dutifully waited in bed.

But then a slightly new wave of concern washed over me.  What could they possibly be making me for breakfast?  We were badly overdue for a grocery shop, and this is hard for me to admit, but my fridge is home to a lot of expired stuff!

Kaycie is a pretty sensible kid, though,  and I reasoned with myself that she wouldn't make something for me that she wouldn't make for herself.

I heard them excitedly coming up the stairs, and so I quickly pretended to be asleep.  Soon enough they were at my bedside singing "Happy Mother's Day" to the tune of Happy Birthday and I opened my eyes to see my two precious cuties completely vibrating with pride at the breakfast they had brought me.  I loved it.  So awesome!

Then as they sat my bed tray down and enthusiastically described what they had made for me, the genuine smile of delight on my face suddenly transformed into what I hope was the best fake smile ever.  They had certainly done a really nice job of putting together what they THOUGHT  was a lovely Mother's Day breakfast.  Coffee, Shreddies with berries. There was even a really sweet and eerily accurate note from Kaycie, and Knolan was proudly holding his contribution - a yogurt cup with a spoon.

They were looking at me so expectantly.  So proud of themselves.  So full of anticipation. And all I could think was, "Oh no. Oh no. Oh no."

The yogurt cup that Knolan was so lovingly holding out and encouraging me to eat?  Expired 2 weeks ago. The blueberries and raspberries on the Shreddies?  Have been in my fridge longer than I can remember.  I could literally see fuzz on the raspberries!  The milk on my cereal?  Expired 5 days ago.

I'll be honest. I panicked. I didn't have it in me to tell the kids they'd just served me food poisoning and potential gastrointestinal issues as a symbol of their love for me.  I know it looks nice in the picture, but trust me when I say I was staring at a problem... still with a fake smile plastered on my face.

I decided to go with the coffee first since Kaycie has used the Tassimo under my supervision before and I knew the International Delight creamer in the fridge was basically the only fresh thing in the fridge.  It would buy me some time.

As I raised the cup to my lips and took a sip, Kaycie squealed and said, "I put lots of International Delight in it, Mom, and lots of sugar to make it just as sweet as you are!"  She starts excitedly hugging me as I do my best to drink her sugary concoction.  It was the lesser of three evils, so to speak, so I was going to milk it as long as I could.

Then the two of them begged me to try my cereal.  I picked up my spoon and with love in my eyes, I thankfully found a few dry Shreddies and ate them, making a huge deal about how yummy it was.  The two of them started jumping up and down and hugging each other and hugging me while I kept saying how delicious it was and what a good job they had done. 

"And Mom... don't you love the fresh mixed berries we made you?  Try them!"  

Time to execute my next move... the sugar/coffee had given me enough time to formulate a plan.  I zoned in on the one blueberry that looked like it might not hurt me and ate it with dramatic flair. And then...

"Hey kids!  Why don't you guys go and pick out an outfit to wear to lunch with Gramma today?"

"But we want to keep you company while you eat!"

"You absolutely can, but Mommy has to go to the bathroom really quick and then you can watch me all you want.  I just want to be sure you have nice clothes ready."

That seemed to work, as the alpha-kid, Kaycie, suddenly got excited at the prospect of dressing her brother and she grabbed his hand and led him out of the room.

The second they left, I frantically gathered up as many of the berries and wet Shreddies as I could in my hands and ran into the bathroom, flushing them as stealthily as I could.  Why did I use my hands?  I have no idea... I never said I was good in crisis situations!

I jumped back into bed and called to the kids, asking if they had found outfits to wear.  The two of them came tumbling back in to show me what they had picked out... which was only a tie for Knolan at that point.  I praised them heavily for finding the tie and then encouraged them to join me again. I ate a few spoonfuls of the dry Shreddies and proudly showed the kids how much I had eaten.  They were so pleased, and I was so relieved!  And somehow Knolan managed to forget that he had given me that yogurt cup, which I hid in my closet - again, I have no idea why!

Maybe someone else would have just been honest with their kids, but today I just couldn't do it.  They were so proud and so excited.  I just couldn't burst their cute little bubble.

The rest of the day was pretty standard in terms of how most Mother's Days go.  We went out with my parents for a lovely lunch during which I took my son to the bathroom twice (both times he locked himself in the stall and needed to be rescued), served both my kids from the buffet before I got to eat, had to have a serious conversation about how much bacon is too much bacon to take at a fancy restaurant, had both kids asking me a million times if they could have another dessert, and finally drank cold coffee while my parents and I struggled to finish a complete conversation.  It has become a bit of a Mother's Day tradition, and to be honest, I kind of love it.

Big honking, inappropriate-for-fancy-restaurant pile o' bacon.

So yes, I had to muster up all of my mommy powers to get through my Mother's Day pampering, but the way I see it, at least we didn't end up in the emergency room this year.

Happy Mother's Day!  :-) 

Yes, he does love his mommy. He just really loves bacon and my phone a little more. :-)